Tips For Writing Your SC Inmate
First of all, please know that this tier of the W.E.L.L. Pen Pal Program is about long-term friendships. Please do not sign up for a S.C. Inmate Pen Pal without being able to commit to a long-term writing relationship. You do not need to write every week, but please do plan to spend months to years developing and building a friendship. If you cannot commit to writing consistently on a long-term basis, please check into other tiers on the W.E.L.L. Pen Pal Program to find a better match for you and your needs.
Your pen pal will be writing the first letter to you, so several topics may already be brought up in the letter they write to you. It’s always a good idea to answer any questions to whatever level you feel comfortable, just as you would in a phone or face-to-face conversation. The Pen Pal Program is about creating friendships, so it may help to consider it a long-distance conversation. You’ll probably start out with more small-talk type subjects. As your relationship grows, so will your range of topics. Below are some tips and suggestions by other Pen Pal Program participants, these may help you if you get stuck or your pen pal didn’t ask many questions in her first letter. General Tips for Writing to a Prisoner
• Always use your first and last name, and clearly write your address in the upper left-hand corner of the envelope. Without a return address, many prisons will not accept the letter.
• In the same way, always clearly write your pen pal’s legal name, and their ID number. Without this information on the envelope, prisons will not accept the letter. However, please call your pen pal by their first name or by whatever nickname they prefer in the actual letter. The envelope is for formality, but the letter is for building a friendship.
• Your safety matters! We do not think any harm will come to you in any way, shape or form; otherwise we would not invite anyone to be a part of this program. However, it is common knowledge that the letters you write to your pen pal will be screened by parties unknown to you. Please be aware if you decide to write about certain topics, including but not limited to: immigrant status, age, past incarceration, sexual preferences, etc. We are not saying to avoid these topics or to discuss them, but rather just making note so that you can choose as an educated person.
• This relationship is not about shame or guilt. Please do not assume your pen pal’s crime, or even their guilt to a crime. Please do not lecture or try to rehabilitate your pen pal. Just as you would not belittle your best friend about her worst choice, please do not do so with your pen pal. Do not ask if they are guilty or innocent. Please do not attempt to give legal advice for any topic to your pen pal. If your pen pal asks for such advice, gently tell them they should ask their lawyer. Some of these topics will result in letters being taken by the prison and not given to your pen pal. For legal and moral reasons, please let your pen pal initiate any topics in this field of discussion, and clearly state your boundaries if your pen pal reaches beyond those lines.
• Your first letter may be a good time to mention about how often you plan on writing to your pen pal: once a month, every other month, every two weeks-whatever works best for you. Know that any letter is greatly appreciated by your pen pals, and knowing about when you will be able to write will give them something to look forward to. Please make this statement carefully, as you will need to be faithful to your commitment level.
• This relationship is a two-way street, and your boundaries and limits should be clear and respected. If you do not feel comfortable with a topic or issue, please do not hesitate to let your pen pal know your own limits. You can politely and assertively tell your pen pal that you are not comfortable discussing sports (by way of example), but you enjoy discussing music. This should be remembered if your pen pal tries to initiate a sexual or deeply intimate relationship. If you are comfortable with this, then feel free to continue letters as they are. If you are uncomfortable, please do not hesitate to say something to your pen pal. Everyone will be more comfortable in the friendship if boundaries are clear and can be respected.
• You cannot send your pen pal stamps or envelopes. This is difficult, to say the least, as stamps and envelopes may well be a factor in how quickly your pen pal can write back to you. Currently W.E.L.L. is not funded to the point of being able to help with this obstacle, but that will not last forever. In the meantime know that your pen pal can only get envelopes and stamps from the store within the prison, and only when they have money in their account. Factors such as free/low-paid labor within prison and lack of donations from family and friends may extend the time periods between when your pen pal has money in their account, thus how often they can write to you. If you would be interested in sending money to your pen pal’s account for stamps and/or envelopes, please email Brittany at [email protected] for more information.
• Please be patient. Letters take a longer time than email, and with our world being so instantaneous, it may seem like ages between letters. Know that there are circumstances inside the prison that your pen pal may be subject to, such as lock-downs, quarantines for illnesses, or lack of funds to buy envelopes and stamps. Your letters are welcomed joy for your pen pal, but please remember their circumstances, and be patient with the time frame of mail.
General Tips for Letter Content
• Start with introducing yourself, and how you got to be a part of the W.E.L.L. Pen Pal Program, why it interested you, etc. That way they have a simple background of what you’re writing to them, and what made you want to do so.
• Communication can be difficult without body language and tone of voice, both of which will be lacking in these letters, if there is a point that is unclear or that you’re confused about just ask your pen pal for clarification. It will take time for an answer to return to you, but it is worth the effort to be clear. Chances are that your pen pal assumed you would understand, and will gladly explain. This may also happen with things that you say, so please be patient and explain any points that may have confused your pen pal.
• Until a relationship is established, it may be best to keep things light and upbeat. As with a new friend at work or school, you would not give your most personal information in the first meeting.
• Discussing current events may be a good idea, as your pen pal is cut off from the world at large. We are also able to send news articles and clippings to our pen pals, so printing out an article and including it in your letter is completely acceptable.
• You are welcome to include a picture of yourself if you are comfortable doing so. If not, it is fine not to do so. If you choose to include a picture, do NOT send a Polaroid. These are considered illegal for prisoners to have, and your letter may be undelivered because of this. Prisoners are also limited to the number of pictures they may have at any one point, so it may be best to ask first if they would like a picture. Remember that these women are mothers, sisters, grandmothers and friends to others, and may be at their picture limit with other photos.
• Have fun, and be yourself! If you like crossword puzzles, maybe you could create one and send it with the letter. If you enjoy puns and groaner jokes, maybe tell a few of your favorites. If you’re reading a new book, maybe explain it and why you like it. Talk about your likes and interests, and ask about your pen pal’s favorite things.
Your pen pal will be writing the first letter to you, so several topics may already be brought up in the letter they write to you. It’s always a good idea to answer any questions to whatever level you feel comfortable, just as you would in a phone or face-to-face conversation. The Pen Pal Program is about creating friendships, so it may help to consider it a long-distance conversation. You’ll probably start out with more small-talk type subjects. As your relationship grows, so will your range of topics. Below are some tips and suggestions by other Pen Pal Program participants, these may help you if you get stuck or your pen pal didn’t ask many questions in her first letter. General Tips for Writing to a Prisoner
• Always use your first and last name, and clearly write your address in the upper left-hand corner of the envelope. Without a return address, many prisons will not accept the letter.
• In the same way, always clearly write your pen pal’s legal name, and their ID number. Without this information on the envelope, prisons will not accept the letter. However, please call your pen pal by their first name or by whatever nickname they prefer in the actual letter. The envelope is for formality, but the letter is for building a friendship.
• Your safety matters! We do not think any harm will come to you in any way, shape or form; otherwise we would not invite anyone to be a part of this program. However, it is common knowledge that the letters you write to your pen pal will be screened by parties unknown to you. Please be aware if you decide to write about certain topics, including but not limited to: immigrant status, age, past incarceration, sexual preferences, etc. We are not saying to avoid these topics or to discuss them, but rather just making note so that you can choose as an educated person.
• This relationship is not about shame or guilt. Please do not assume your pen pal’s crime, or even their guilt to a crime. Please do not lecture or try to rehabilitate your pen pal. Just as you would not belittle your best friend about her worst choice, please do not do so with your pen pal. Do not ask if they are guilty or innocent. Please do not attempt to give legal advice for any topic to your pen pal. If your pen pal asks for such advice, gently tell them they should ask their lawyer. Some of these topics will result in letters being taken by the prison and not given to your pen pal. For legal and moral reasons, please let your pen pal initiate any topics in this field of discussion, and clearly state your boundaries if your pen pal reaches beyond those lines.
• Your first letter may be a good time to mention about how often you plan on writing to your pen pal: once a month, every other month, every two weeks-whatever works best for you. Know that any letter is greatly appreciated by your pen pals, and knowing about when you will be able to write will give them something to look forward to. Please make this statement carefully, as you will need to be faithful to your commitment level.
• This relationship is a two-way street, and your boundaries and limits should be clear and respected. If you do not feel comfortable with a topic or issue, please do not hesitate to let your pen pal know your own limits. You can politely and assertively tell your pen pal that you are not comfortable discussing sports (by way of example), but you enjoy discussing music. This should be remembered if your pen pal tries to initiate a sexual or deeply intimate relationship. If you are comfortable with this, then feel free to continue letters as they are. If you are uncomfortable, please do not hesitate to say something to your pen pal. Everyone will be more comfortable in the friendship if boundaries are clear and can be respected.
• You cannot send your pen pal stamps or envelopes. This is difficult, to say the least, as stamps and envelopes may well be a factor in how quickly your pen pal can write back to you. Currently W.E.L.L. is not funded to the point of being able to help with this obstacle, but that will not last forever. In the meantime know that your pen pal can only get envelopes and stamps from the store within the prison, and only when they have money in their account. Factors such as free/low-paid labor within prison and lack of donations from family and friends may extend the time periods between when your pen pal has money in their account, thus how often they can write to you. If you would be interested in sending money to your pen pal’s account for stamps and/or envelopes, please email Brittany at [email protected] for more information.
• Please be patient. Letters take a longer time than email, and with our world being so instantaneous, it may seem like ages between letters. Know that there are circumstances inside the prison that your pen pal may be subject to, such as lock-downs, quarantines for illnesses, or lack of funds to buy envelopes and stamps. Your letters are welcomed joy for your pen pal, but please remember their circumstances, and be patient with the time frame of mail.
General Tips for Letter Content
• Start with introducing yourself, and how you got to be a part of the W.E.L.L. Pen Pal Program, why it interested you, etc. That way they have a simple background of what you’re writing to them, and what made you want to do so.
• Communication can be difficult without body language and tone of voice, both of which will be lacking in these letters, if there is a point that is unclear or that you’re confused about just ask your pen pal for clarification. It will take time for an answer to return to you, but it is worth the effort to be clear. Chances are that your pen pal assumed you would understand, and will gladly explain. This may also happen with things that you say, so please be patient and explain any points that may have confused your pen pal.
• Until a relationship is established, it may be best to keep things light and upbeat. As with a new friend at work or school, you would not give your most personal information in the first meeting.
• Discussing current events may be a good idea, as your pen pal is cut off from the world at large. We are also able to send news articles and clippings to our pen pals, so printing out an article and including it in your letter is completely acceptable.
• You are welcome to include a picture of yourself if you are comfortable doing so. If not, it is fine not to do so. If you choose to include a picture, do NOT send a Polaroid. These are considered illegal for prisoners to have, and your letter may be undelivered because of this. Prisoners are also limited to the number of pictures they may have at any one point, so it may be best to ask first if they would like a picture. Remember that these women are mothers, sisters, grandmothers and friends to others, and may be at their picture limit with other photos.
• Have fun, and be yourself! If you like crossword puzzles, maybe you could create one and send it with the letter. If you enjoy puns and groaner jokes, maybe tell a few of your favorites. If you’re reading a new book, maybe explain it and why you like it. Talk about your likes and interests, and ask about your pen pal’s favorite things.